JM,

Sometimes people are too narcissistic to really hear anything that doesn't pertain to them. Or, as you have experienced, they interpret your situation in terms of how it pertains to them. (As a parent of grown kids, too, I know how parents can blame themselves for their children's problems, and so it can be somewhat natural to jump to that place of guilt, which can manifest as defensiveness.)

The thing is, you need to share your feelings and experiences with someone, and you are expecting a certain reaction. Maybe you need to expect that people will react how they naturally will react, and communicate your needs based on that fact. I don't mean to say that you are wrong in trying to share your feelings; you *should* be able to share what what is going on with you with your family and others you care about. But if you know you might receive a self-centered type of response when you need sympathy or empathy, perhaps it would be good to tell the other person what you need from them before passing on what's going on for you.

For example, I have a boss who, if I tell him about something I'm having feelings or problems with, will immediately jump to solve the problem unless I tell him to begin with that I need to share something with him, but he has to promise not to do anything, just listen.

So maybe with certain people it would be more satisfying for you to tell your dad, for example, that you want to talk about something and you appreciate all he has done for you and are not criticizing him as a parent, you just want to talk about your feelings and pain around things that have challenged you. Put as a request for him to just hear you, maybe he would just hear you.

I also realize that some people aren't capable of this even when it's couched in these kind of terms, but I wonder if it might give you a better shot at being heard.

Best of luck to you.